This article is published in partnership with Foster Advocates.
Growing up in foster care was difficult. You are told to be appreciative of the people who took you in, even when they treated you differently than their own children. You do more chores than you could ever think of, and you are barely allowed any time to yourself. You are also not allowed to go out with friends like you used to because they don’t allow it. I’ve always had a hard time in school until I was in the foster care system; going to school was like an escape. It was always so much pressure to come home and know that they are expecting you to help them make dinner, clean, and help with the smaller children all before doing homework.
During foster care, I lived with my uncle and aunt. I had just finished middle school and was going to become a high school student the following year. Although entering high school was an exciting experience as a first-year student, new experiences and getting adjusted were not easy. I loved getting to meet new people and seeing all the familiar faces you already know. But creating friendships was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maintaining old friendships was even more difficult as my old friends were making new friends.
I didn’t have the best relationships with the adults in my life or with my siblings, which affected my relationships with friends at school. When my friends and I bumped heads, I would choose to isolate myself and distance myself from them the same way I did at home. I then became a loner in high school due to conflict with my peers. Even though this was difficult, I always had great relationships with my teachers because I was a good student. I always did my work/homework and asked questions when I had a difficult time in class. My grades were maintained at A’s and B’s, a proud accomplishment that made me feel great, even though life at home was stressful.
Living at home with my uncle and aunt was the hardest part. My aunt was always so strict with us and didn’t ever let us be comfortable enough to express our feelings. It was always overwhelming and hard to deal with by myself since I felt like I couldn’t express myself to anyone. When homecoming came around, my aunt made me choose if I wanted to go to the homecoming game or the actual dance. It made me upset that I could only choose one to go to because my uncle was going hunting that weekend. Even though my aunt was home with us, I had to stay home to do chores and to watch the younger children, which wasn’t fair to me.
Going back home to my mom after sophomore year of high school was difficult. Although I was academically decent during my junior year of high school, it was hard coming home to my uninvolved mom who didn’t have rules after living with my aunt who was always strict. I didn’t have much support from my mom, had way too much freedom at that age, and had no real role models to look up to.
When senior year rolled around, I started to struggle with my mental health during the second semester. I had a really hard time finding motivation to get out of bed, which almost caused me to not graduate high school. During those times of depression, it was a dark time in my life where I would sleep in and skip school. When I finally did come back to school, one of my teachers pulled me out into the hallway and scolded me. “Do you not want to graduate?,” she said to me, not knowing that I was in a dark place. She knew I was a good student and had good grades in her class, but that didn’t matter anymore since I was no longer doing well in school. I think that teachers should not judge teenagers during these times, especially if they don’t even have a clue what that child could be going through at home.
The unfair treatment and resentment builds and sticks with you as time goes by. As of today, I don’t have a relationship with that uncle or aunt. When I came back home with my mom, my aunt tried to bully me into watching her children. I always made up an excuse to not help her out. Things did get worse, but now they’ve gotten better. I am currently a Saint Paul college student still figuring out what I’d like to do. But I know that I would like to help people in some way. I have come a long way in my educational journey after not thinking I would continue my education after high school. But, as the first one to go to college in my family, I’m very proud of myself. By going to college, I can also be a good role model to my younger siblings so that they have someone to look up to and be someone that they can talk with whenever they’re going through tough times themselves.
