Youth Voice Writing Contest 2022 — Finalist, Poetry
Foster care, imprisonment
See, those two words go hand in hand
I don’t know if you know
But I can actually tell you first hand
Picture this, my story
12 years of experience
If you asked how I survived
I wouldn’t even know
In fact, I try my hardest to forget
Imprisonment, custody, possession, control
All different words, I suppose
But that depends on your frame of mind
In which you define
See, if you haven’t had to live it
Then, by no means do I expect you to understand
The brutality and pain that a foster child withstands
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all hate and hurt
But if I’m being honest, that’s what most of it implies
So, again, let me explain my story
From my personal eyes
Imagine not just feeling pain
But being sad, disappointed, and confused
Because you never felt good enough
And this was proven to be true
In the eyes of a foster child, it’s an entirely different view
A whole government system dictating it all
Until the day that I became old enough to tell them to F off
See, but when that day had finally come
I realized I actually had gotten through it all
It’s like being in prison, I suppose, in a way
My whole life dictated and I had no say
Foster homes, shelters, place after place
I never felt like I belonged, no matter where I stayed
See, the foster child mentality was to always feel judged
Because how could I not be good enough?
I become liable for other people’s family problems, right?
‘Cause somebody had to be the blame
Like, how did they not notice they had a dysfunctional family way before I came?
But, again, remember in the eyes of the state
They’re the saint for taking a foster in
But, in all reality, they’re just tryna make bank
Behind closed doors, few rarely know
But it ain’t fairytales and forever homes
I just wanted to be wanted
But, in that same sense, I stayed running
I’d run to avoid being let down, rejected, and probably even loved
Because I didn’t know what that was
That foster child mentality, I’m telling you, really F’s you up
Memory lost just because I spend so long trying to forget
Trust problems because I wasn’t shown any different
Now, imagine 12 years of trauma, starting as a child
A brain not even fully developed, isn’t that wild?
But, again, it ain’t no way I could ever get you to understand what a foster child goes through
But, with that little bit of information, maybe you can
I faced physical, physiological, and sexual abuse, to say the least
But I prevailed through all of it and now I have a degree
But I’m a few a dozen because not many get that chance
Many of my brothers and sisters will never advance
That same system failed ‘em and they didn’t make it through
Being a former foster child is like being an ex-convict
All I needed was a chance