The Independent Living Program (ILP) offers financial assistance services and additional support to current and former foster youth/probation youth, from 16-20 years old. ILP in Los Angeles County cuts off services for foster youth on their 21st birthday, an age where life is about to get even more confusing and an unpredictable time is about to start. ILP has been a huge part of my journey since I was just a sophomore in high school. At the young age of 16, I was expected to know where I wanted to go, education-wise. To be completely honest, I had no clue what the rest of the school year had in store. Expecting someone to know the trajectory of their path for years to come was hard to grasp for most people, and especially difficult for someone who grew up in the foster care system.
When I started to receive emails about graduation, I felt heavy and began to drown in imposter syndrome. It felt like leaving my hand out above water, hoping someone will grab me and bring me up for air. Instead, I struggled as everyone around me got out of the water – each with their own help. I didn’t qualify for services anymore as I came face-to-face with 21. I didn’t know I needed help until I really needed it. Who decides there’s an expiration date on services? Is there an expiration date on pain and wanting better for yourself?
Growing up in the system means there will be endless difficulties. It’s not to say we will always need someone to guide us to be well off, but we don’t have what most people have when it comes to a support system. Do they not care about us anymore because we “aged out?” Learning how to navigate our own healing and path of life is a lifelong process. Independence and true understanding of who we are stretches on even after the age of 21. It is especially difficult when there’s a limit on the time you must both get ready and be ready. These familiar feelings of urgency and panic send us back into fight or flight mode. Once again, we are launched into the unknown.
I am way past 21, and life keeps punching with lesson after lesson. There’s something unrealistic and frightening surrounding the expectation to have it all together by that age. Even though I have grown and evolved, there are so many services I wish I could revisit. I wasn’t in a place to grasp certain lessons and utilize assistance when I was between the ages of 16 and 20 years old. I look back now and am so grateful, but again, I wasn’t ready to make such decisions. Every bit and piece was important, but it just didn’t hold the same significance. It would have all made more sense and served its value at a different point in my life.
Extending ILP services until the age of 26 allows foster youth to explore with less pressure and jump when they are ready. From the ages of 18-21 years old, it is crucial to continue working on the scars of the past while exploring the many different paths one can take in life. Sometimes this age means existing in the world that brought us so much pain. But in order to work on healing and trusting the world loves us, we need to sit in it and learn to accept the love we deserve. There is no rush to it.
